Three years ago, through the worst pain of my life, the doctors handed me a squalling, pink baby and in seconds my life changed.
It’s hard for me to believe it. Three years has flown by with a ferocity that I didn’t expect. I was prepared for my life to change, or so I thought. I knew things would be different. With every kick I felt in my womb, every alien movement, I knew I would never be the same. Graham and I would never be the same as a couple. Our house, which struggled to maintain it’s uhhhh “composure” already would never be as clean or orderly. I knew there would be changes… in my head.
What I wasn’t expecting was that our baby girl would come out and in an instant, my heart would change as well. I didn’t know that when they placed her on my chest and Graham bent to touch his daughter for the first time-and she reached out her tiny little hand and grabbed his finger- that my favourite part of becoming a mother would be watching him realize he was a father. It took my breath away to watch the man I love transform right in front of me, tears filling his eyes, realizing he had helped to create this tiny life.
I didn’t know the depth of love that a human being is capable of containing; a love so multifaceted and complex that it took me three days to become aware of. A violent love, that would die or kill for someone else. An all encompassing love, that held fast through struggles of breast feeding and sleep deprivation, through tears and wonder.
I didn’t know what my parents meant when they told me they loved me until I said those words to my little girl. I LOVE YOU. Powerful. A love that watched my daughter take her first breath, first step, first word. Watched her first time on a bike, swing, slide…and first time holding her new baby sister.
Three years. I knew there would be changes, but what hasn’t changed is how much I love our little Mia. Precocious. Adventurous. Compassionate.
Sweetheart, on your first day in this world, we thought we loved you then. We saw you and marvelled at your perfection. We had overcome so much- all the fear, the nights of crying myself to sleep hoping I would be ENOUGH as your mother, worrying about your health, hoping for a perfect baby, hoping you would eat well, sleep well- and there you were, wrapped in a blanket with your hands clasped. Perfect, and so innocent. Beautiful.
Three years, and you are more beautiful than I imagined. I still marvel at you and the way your mind works. Your daddy and I laugh ourselves to sleep now instead of cry. You bring us so much joy, satisfaction, and more blessings than you even know. You hold my hand and my heart swells with that same love, a love that you won’t be able to understand until you have a beautiful baby of your own.
Amelia Taylor- my big girl. You are growing and changing every day, and I am so blessed to be right beside you painting, baking, dancing, and singing. You taught me how to love this way, and I will always be here, loving you fiercely as only a mother can.
Happy birthday, little puntkins. We love you.